回来

Dying, death and to die

我以为我就快要死了。

我望着前方的镜头，同学们正要拍摄大合照。我感到晕眩心悸，我很清楚感觉到心跳的每一下挣扎。大伙儿兴奋的找位子，礼堂一片闹哄哄，在我的耳际声音就像退潮的浪慢慢在褪开，我的脑袋一片空白。极度疲倦，眼前的一切开始变得很陌生。意识一点一滴的在抽离，我知道我的时间要到了。我牵动嘴角，努力的挤出一丝笑容，这应该就是我的遗照吧！

3，2，1… 咔嚓！

一片黑暗。

那是一个很沉很沉的觉，梦里无光，没有景物，没有声音，没有知觉，什么都没有……直到我睁开眼睛。白，空白的白，脑袋僵直。我感觉到手指的移动，忽然间一切又回来了。我张大眼睛，看到白袍，护士，我才知道自己在医院里。

三天后的下午，我出院回到家里。家里没人。我独自坐在空荡荡的房子，望着墙壁发征。半晌，有人转动匙孔推开门走了进来。我抬头一看，是我的屋友。例常的问候和寒暄，但我对眼前的这个人却感到无比的陌生。

离开了现实那么久，我还是很难相信自己回来了。我走进房间，床上有一摞待处理的文件，地上有一箩上星期未洗的衣服。我望着书桌上堆积的课业，发现自己落人一大截。我不在的日子，世界还是继续运行，地球不曾停止运转。我有种莫名的失落。我翻开书本，想开始学习，但我读不到两行字思绪就飘远了。我为什么还要读书？就是为了赶上进度吗？为什么我还要回到以前那种庸庸碌碌的生活？忙碌一生最后也是两脚一蹬，那么这些辛苦又有何意义？我很迷惘。或许我根本就不应该回来？

我喉咙发干。我走出房门想到楼下喝杯水。下楼的时候我忽然有个念头，如果我现在失足滚下去会怎么样？我突然很想重复这一切好让自己回到以前，回到我昏迷的那一天，那么我就永远不用再回来了。死亡，是那么的平静安详，无牵无挂。当我的意识逐渐抽离，我感觉到自己再也不属于这个世界，我已经没有什么好担心的了。那种感觉是那么的平静、安详。世人无知，对死亡充满负面联想，每每谈死色变。我是个在亡门前转个弯又回来的人，我现在却好想回去…

i'm supposed to die tonight

[Intro - 50 Cent]
Ahh man
You know where the niggas be at right?
Take me to 'em
[Chorus- 50 Cent]
All through the hood, I keep hearin' niggas sayin'
I'm supposed to die tonight
niggas come put a hit out and they talkin' like the sh*t okay
I'm down to ride tonight
We crawlin, whip stolen, AK loaded
I'm down to ride tonight
We smokin', straight locin', locked and loaded
Somebody gon' die tonight
[Verse 1 - 50 Cent]
This is nothin' new, I been in the position before
Grandma crib, niggas outside of her door
Different day, same sh*t, old mac, new clip
Thirty two hollow tips, gloves, no rubber grip
I'm a boss, but niggas never show no respect
I catch 'em slippin', I have 'em tongue kissin' my tec
Wanna come test me, pussy boy don't try
Police responds, never fast enough, the shots fired
Don't be stupid, find out who you f**kin' wit son
'Fore we find out where ya b*tch gets her hair and nails done
Its elementary, life is but a dream
You know row, row ya boat, your blood forms a stream
After you get hit, you shoulda thought about the sh*t
You took that paper, you take a life or ya life get took b*tch
Sometimes, I sit and look at life from a different angle
Don't know if I'm God's child or I'm Satan's angel
[Chorus - 50 Cent]
All through the hood, I keep hearin' niggas sayin'
I'm supposed to die tonight
niggas come put a hit out and they talkin' like the sh*t okay
I'm down to ride tonight
We crawlin, whip stolen, AK loaded
I'm down to ride tonight
We smokin', straight locin', locked and loaded
Somebody gon' die tonight
[Verse 2 - 50 Cent]
In 2002, if you asked me to make a wish
I simply woulda wished that my music would be a hit
Big said damn, niggas wanna stick me for my paper
And pray for my downfall, I understand it all
But me, I'm a little more flashy a nigga
So chances are, I'ma have to blast me a nigga
I'm on that keflon vest sh*t, that wild wild west sh*t
And eighty one 1 carrot stones in my necklace
I shine so hard, I make mothaf**kas wanna kill me
Every projects and every hood I go, they feel me
Know it sounds like rap, but this sh*t is real B
I don't talk that rich sh*t, but nigga I'm filthy
When I come out to play, had my mom been with me
You could bet your bottom dollar that revolver with me
Homeboy, frontin' on me will shorten your life span
Hold the mic with my left, the knife in my right hand
[Chorus - 50 Cent]
All through the hood, I keep hearin' niggas sayin'
I'm supposed to die tonight
niggas come put a hit out and they talkin' like the sh*t okay
I'm down to ride tonight
We crawlin, whip stolen, AK loaded
I'm down to ride tonight
We smokin', straight locin', locked and loaded
Somebody gon' die tonight