坐看云起时

Donnie finally decided to do the inevitable, knowing that how this would changes his destiny in the primary universe.

孤身仰望天空，发现自己多么无力。

若宿命无法改变，也只有无奈接受。

已经行到水穷处，何不坐看云起时？

原诗 —— 唐·王维《终南别业》

Dark(o) fantasy 黑暗想象

Donnie Darko回想这28天6小时以来的自己的遭遇，不禁莞尔。他阖上书本，吃吃地笑了起来。42分钟12秒后，一架飞机引擎从天而降，砸穿了他房间的屋顶，夺走了他的性命。

Michael Andrews’s The Mad World 在这时候奏起。慢镜头缓缓的扫过每个孤单的面孔，有点迷惘，有的不知所措，有的悲泣，背景是令人心碎的钢琴声，空气中有股淡淡的哀愁，仿佛是悼念Donnie，又像是为世界的疯狂哀悼。

A mood of melancholy descended upon me when the song was played, as if mourning over Donnie’s demise or sneering at this mad world.

Mad World

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places - worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere - going nowhere
And their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression - no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tomorrow - no tomorrow

And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
'Cos I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very Mad World

Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy Birthday - Happy Birthday
Made to feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen - sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me - no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson
Look right through me - look right through me

…

Donnie 一直以为这只是个恶作剧，他从没想过这是个大自然的玩笑，他亲手结束了自己的性命。 他只是有点无奈，最后一个月是他一生最愉快的回忆。世界末日如期而至。一切终止。

Donnie still thought it was a prank, it never cross his mind that this was a prank of nature and he literally created his own death. He find it kind of funny and sad, the dreams in which he was dying are the best he's ever had. When he went to bed he knew he will never see tomorrow’s sun again. Then doomsday come as promised. Everything (of his world) ended.

…

我不曾停止过对死亡的想象。死亡，在生命的暗角闪耀着幽隐的灵光。那是一个没有人了解的领域，知识的死角，诱惑着无知而好奇的灵魂。

"Every creature on this earth dies alone." Grandma Death whispered to Donnie.

世界末日那一刻，记忆是唯一的殉葬。每个人都是孤伶伶的离开。

翻阅着泛黄的记忆，美丽在褪色，在生命终结的最后一刻。

如果生命只剩下28:06:42:12，你会做些什么？

How would you want your life to be ended? What would you do when there is only 28:06:42:12 left in your life?

…

死于一场时空意外，那是所有醉心于科学的人最浪漫的遐想。迷失在时间回圈，被虫孔，被黑洞毁灭，这是可遇不可求的际遇。二十岁那年，我阅读了Stephen Hawking 的《胡桃里的宇宙》，开始憧憬着黑洞的那一刻。严格来说意识被停格，但对一般人来说也就等同于死亡了。那是一种甘心为科学殉葬的虔诚，浪漫而壮烈，如同信徒可以义无反顾地为上帝献上性命。

Death in a space-time accident. That is the greatest thing that every scientist could dream of. Lost in the time loop, sucked by a black hole… these are chances of a lifetime. After reading “The Universe in a Nutshell”, I start to wonder about a journey to a black hole. Technically you won't die in a black hole just that the consciousness is halted, but that is close enough to death to most people. It is a cult-like devoutness to science comparable to self sacrifice of devotees to their religion.

这种不切实际的幻想虽然是毫无意义，就像女孩幻想着自己的真命天子；男孩立志长大后要干一番大事业，幻想为生活增添不少想象空间。不过这是一个黑色幻想，幻想死亡的来临，生命的终结，而且不是每个人都能认同这种思想。我记得我在BTN 营时有个处境游戏，在一艘逃离地球的宇航艇，需要牺牲一个人以保全整个飞艇。当我以死在太空很酷为由请缨，但没有人要成全我的遗愿。这些人永远无法体会为科学献身的浪漫。

Such dream is sort of meaningless and impractical, just like other girls dream of their future husband or boys think of their future careers, albeit a dark one. Fantasize how your life will be ended. However not everyone can accept this idea. I remembered during the BTN camp we are deciding on who to sacrifice in a situational game. I volunteered to be abandoned from the space craft giving the excuse that It is so cool to die in the space. Everyone in the group just dismissed my idea and ignored me. These people will never understand the romance of dying for science.